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Back at the beginning of my relationship with Jae, as I mentioned
in my Bio, when I told her about my Gender Dysphoria she had no
idea what that meant or what it meant to be Transgendered.
Because she is such a wonderful and supportive person, she
began to read every book she could find relating to the subject.
After I had my site up for a while, she began to be asked from
other Significant Others about what books might be out there and
which ones would she recommend. So she decided to put
together these book reviews.
The books deal with various subjects relating to the Transgender
Community. Some are autobiographical, some are guides to
dressing and make-up, and some are from the S.O. point of view.
When Jae put these together for me to post on the site, you'll
notice that she reviews them with references to conversations we
had or how the book's subject matter related to issues we were
facing during that time. I think she did a great job of putting these
together and I hope they are a help to you or a loved one.
If you have read a book that is not on this list and would like to
share a review of it, please let me know and I'd be happy to post it
on the page.
Thanks & Enjoy,
Aimee
in my Bio, when I told her about my Gender Dysphoria she had no
idea what that meant or what it meant to be Transgendered.
Because she is such a wonderful and supportive person, she
began to read every book she could find relating to the subject.
After I had my site up for a while, she began to be asked from
other Significant Others about what books might be out there and
which ones would she recommend. So she decided to put
together these book reviews.
The books deal with various subjects relating to the Transgender
Community. Some are autobiographical, some are guides to
dressing and make-up, and some are from the S.O. point of view.
When Jae put these together for me to post on the site, you'll
notice that she reviews them with references to conversations we
had or how the book's subject matter related to issues we were
facing during that time. I think she did a great job of putting these
together and I hope they are a help to you or a loved one.
If you have read a book that is not on this list and would like to
share a review of it, please let me know and I'd be happy to post it
on the page.
Thanks & Enjoy,
Aimee
“My Husband Betty”, by Helen Boyd (ISBN# 1560255153,
$16.95), is one book that I saw suggested over and over. I found
it a good read, interesting because, unlike many other books on
the subject, it is also about Helen, not just her transgendered
spouse. Helen gave me several things to think about:
She said that there are three issues that SOs have to face; sex,
trust and identity.
A quote from page 154: “What happens when your average
woman meets a crossdresser who wants to play the woman’s role
in the bedroom? Confusion usually occurs, because they both
want to play the same part. “ She recalls a joke from the book
“Lesbian Couples”: Two women on a date sit on a couch together.
The sexual tension is thick. At exactly the same moment, both
women throw out their arms and say “Take me, I’m yours”. It’s
pretty similar to what a crossdresser and his girlfriend often feel
like: They are both waiting for someone to step in and start the
seducing, but both of them want to be the one to be seduced. …
So why do crossdressers often prefer to be seduced? Because
they want to feel beautiful. Because they think- just like their
wives and girlfriends do- that a woman’s role in the bedroom is to
be coy and desirable.”
From page 215: “… wives end up convinced that they are not good
enough for their husbands: not feminine enough, not sexy
enough, not thin enough. …when wives and girlfriends are faced
with “her”, many gain weight, convinced that their own appearance
is irrelevant to their husband’s sexual desires. (There are women,
also, who return to previously conquered anorexic or bulimic
behaviors in order to meet what they assume their husband’s
expectations are. Whether she gains weight or loses, the woman
is experiencing a profound loss of control in her life as a result,
and her body will often reflect that.) ) I really had to think about
that. I am a recovering bulimic, with occasional stress related
relapses.
Helen joined several different groups with Betty, and she writes
freely about her feelings towards Tri-Ess.
There are many interviews with couples and descriptions of
relationships that explore all of the twists and turns unique to this
very special partnership.
There is a great bibliography in the book.
Altogether, I strongly suggest you get this book.
“Wrapped in Blue”, by Donna Rose (ISBN# 0972955305,
$18.95) tells the story of a person living the first 40 years of life
as a man, with a career, wife and son. David made the transition
to Donna, ending a 17-year marriage.
Donna details her transition, and gives a good glimpse into the
career life of a person undergoing sexual reassignment surgery.
Donna also took the step of FFS, facial feminization surgery.
Reading of the break-up of David and Elizabeth’s marriage moved
me to tears. I think it may be impossible to be the partner of a
transgendered person and not imagine what would happen to the
two of you should your partner take the steps of hormones and
surgery.
There is a section of pictures that detail the physical changes,
there are several post-surgery pictures that show how dedicated
Donna was to her journey.
I would suggest this book, but will caution you to be prepared for
some strong emotions if you fear your partner is considering SRS,
too.
“Normal”, by Amy Bloom (ISBN# 140003244x, $12.00) is a slim
book that contains interviews with FTM (female to male)
transsexuals, intersexed individuals, and heterosexual
crossdressers.
Amy’s introduction to the section on CD really struck me:
“Heterosexual crossdressers bother almost everyone. Gay people
regard them with disdain or affectionate incomprehension,
something warmer than tolerance, but not much. Transsexuals
regard them as men “settling” for crossdressing because they don’
t have the courage to act on their transsexual longing, or else as
closeted gay men so homophobic that they prefer wearing a dress
to facing their desire for another man. Other straight men tend to
find them funny or sad, and some find them enraging. The only
people on whose kindness and sympathy crossdressers can rely
are women: their wives, and even more dependably their
hairdressers, their salespeople, their photographers and makeup
artists, their electrologists, their therapists, and their friends.”
Amy also discusses Tri-Ess, and at the time this book was written
(2002), there were 1,100 CDs and 320 spouses enrolled in 30
chapters nationwide.
A comment that made me stop and think is on page 71:” They
may not be straight in exactly the way that non-crossdressing
men are–most heterosexual men don’t look at an attractive
woman and think I’d like to have sex with her, I’d like to wear her
dress, I’d like men and women to look at me the way they look at
her- but they are straight.” Sometimes I struggle with the desire
to be the soft and pretty one in the relationship. I’d like to have
my partner look at a pretty outfit, and say, that would look great
on you, without wondering if Aimee is also mentally modeling it
herself.
On page 80, she says, “This is the only world I know where
heterosexual men argue that they are more feminine than they
appear and their critics and judges argue that they are less.”
On the subject of significant others: “…if the women insisted on
wearing three-piece suits or baseball uniforms in public, and asked
their husbands to accept hairy legs, hairy underarms and
jockstraps as part of their sex life, the husbands would not rush
off to join spousal support groups while cheerfully spending the
family’s money on …suits and expensive glue-on facial hair. The
marriage would be over.”
It’s important to note that Amy Bloom is not in a relationship with
a gender dysphoric person, and writes rather objectively what she
observes and documents the interviews she conducts. Still, it is
an interesting book, and does discuss FTM transsexuals.
“Finding the Real Me, True Tales of Sex and Gender
Diversity”, by O’Keefe and Fox (ISBN# 0787965472, $17.95)
Tracie and Katrina are transsexual women, partners both on this
book and in life. They gathered many first person stories of people
who identify themselves as transsexual, transgendered,
intersexed, androgynous and multigendered.
This international compilation is fascinating. I suggest you read it
straight through. I was astounded at the commonality of
childhood experiences, regardless of the country of origin.
Once again, many of the stories detail SRS, so if this makes you
nervous, this may not be the book for you. One of the most
moving stories is Robyn, who began her transition at 61 years of
age. She, too, left behind a marriage as she made her life changes.
Very few of the SOs are described in detail, the focus is on the
storyteller, not on those partners in relationships from their
“previous lives”.
The writers in this book are unanimous in describing the effects of
hormones, besides softening the skin and breast growth, they all
describe decreased penis size, waning sexual desire, but growing
attraction to men. This caused me great anxiety, and still is
something I think about when Aimee discusses her “Wanna-gina”
days and longing for breasts.
Click here for more Book Reviews
$16.95), is one book that I saw suggested over and over. I found
it a good read, interesting because, unlike many other books on
the subject, it is also about Helen, not just her transgendered
spouse. Helen gave me several things to think about:
She said that there are three issues that SOs have to face; sex,
trust and identity.
A quote from page 154: “What happens when your average
woman meets a crossdresser who wants to play the woman’s role
in the bedroom? Confusion usually occurs, because they both
want to play the same part. “ She recalls a joke from the book
“Lesbian Couples”: Two women on a date sit on a couch together.
The sexual tension is thick. At exactly the same moment, both
women throw out their arms and say “Take me, I’m yours”. It’s
pretty similar to what a crossdresser and his girlfriend often feel
like: They are both waiting for someone to step in and start the
seducing, but both of them want to be the one to be seduced. …
So why do crossdressers often prefer to be seduced? Because
they want to feel beautiful. Because they think- just like their
wives and girlfriends do- that a woman’s role in the bedroom is to
be coy and desirable.”
From page 215: “… wives end up convinced that they are not good
enough for their husbands: not feminine enough, not sexy
enough, not thin enough. …when wives and girlfriends are faced
with “her”, many gain weight, convinced that their own appearance
is irrelevant to their husband’s sexual desires. (There are women,
also, who return to previously conquered anorexic or bulimic
behaviors in order to meet what they assume their husband’s
expectations are. Whether she gains weight or loses, the woman
is experiencing a profound loss of control in her life as a result,
and her body will often reflect that.) ) I really had to think about
that. I am a recovering bulimic, with occasional stress related
relapses.
Helen joined several different groups with Betty, and she writes
freely about her feelings towards Tri-Ess.
There are many interviews with couples and descriptions of
relationships that explore all of the twists and turns unique to this
very special partnership.
There is a great bibliography in the book.
Altogether, I strongly suggest you get this book.
“Wrapped in Blue”, by Donna Rose (ISBN# 0972955305,
$18.95) tells the story of a person living the first 40 years of life
as a man, with a career, wife and son. David made the transition
to Donna, ending a 17-year marriage.
Donna details her transition, and gives a good glimpse into the
career life of a person undergoing sexual reassignment surgery.
Donna also took the step of FFS, facial feminization surgery.
Reading of the break-up of David and Elizabeth’s marriage moved
me to tears. I think it may be impossible to be the partner of a
transgendered person and not imagine what would happen to the
two of you should your partner take the steps of hormones and
surgery.
There is a section of pictures that detail the physical changes,
there are several post-surgery pictures that show how dedicated
Donna was to her journey.
I would suggest this book, but will caution you to be prepared for
some strong emotions if you fear your partner is considering SRS,
too.
“Normal”, by Amy Bloom (ISBN# 140003244x, $12.00) is a slim
book that contains interviews with FTM (female to male)
transsexuals, intersexed individuals, and heterosexual
crossdressers.
Amy’s introduction to the section on CD really struck me:
“Heterosexual crossdressers bother almost everyone. Gay people
regard them with disdain or affectionate incomprehension,
something warmer than tolerance, but not much. Transsexuals
regard them as men “settling” for crossdressing because they don’
t have the courage to act on their transsexual longing, or else as
closeted gay men so homophobic that they prefer wearing a dress
to facing their desire for another man. Other straight men tend to
find them funny or sad, and some find them enraging. The only
people on whose kindness and sympathy crossdressers can rely
are women: their wives, and even more dependably their
hairdressers, their salespeople, their photographers and makeup
artists, their electrologists, their therapists, and their friends.”
Amy also discusses Tri-Ess, and at the time this book was written
(2002), there were 1,100 CDs and 320 spouses enrolled in 30
chapters nationwide.
A comment that made me stop and think is on page 71:” They
may not be straight in exactly the way that non-crossdressing
men are–most heterosexual men don’t look at an attractive
woman and think I’d like to have sex with her, I’d like to wear her
dress, I’d like men and women to look at me the way they look at
her- but they are straight.” Sometimes I struggle with the desire
to be the soft and pretty one in the relationship. I’d like to have
my partner look at a pretty outfit, and say, that would look great
on you, without wondering if Aimee is also mentally modeling it
herself.
On page 80, she says, “This is the only world I know where
heterosexual men argue that they are more feminine than they
appear and their critics and judges argue that they are less.”
On the subject of significant others: “…if the women insisted on
wearing three-piece suits or baseball uniforms in public, and asked
their husbands to accept hairy legs, hairy underarms and
jockstraps as part of their sex life, the husbands would not rush
off to join spousal support groups while cheerfully spending the
family’s money on …suits and expensive glue-on facial hair. The
marriage would be over.”
It’s important to note that Amy Bloom is not in a relationship with
a gender dysphoric person, and writes rather objectively what she
observes and documents the interviews she conducts. Still, it is
an interesting book, and does discuss FTM transsexuals.
“Finding the Real Me, True Tales of Sex and Gender
Diversity”, by O’Keefe and Fox (ISBN# 0787965472, $17.95)
Tracie and Katrina are transsexual women, partners both on this
book and in life. They gathered many first person stories of people
who identify themselves as transsexual, transgendered,
intersexed, androgynous and multigendered.
This international compilation is fascinating. I suggest you read it
straight through. I was astounded at the commonality of
childhood experiences, regardless of the country of origin.
Once again, many of the stories detail SRS, so if this makes you
nervous, this may not be the book for you. One of the most
moving stories is Robyn, who began her transition at 61 years of
age. She, too, left behind a marriage as she made her life changes.
Very few of the SOs are described in detail, the focus is on the
storyteller, not on those partners in relationships from their
“previous lives”.
The writers in this book are unanimous in describing the effects of
hormones, besides softening the skin and breast growth, they all
describe decreased penis size, waning sexual desire, but growing
attraction to men. This caused me great anxiety, and still is
something I think about when Aimee discusses her “Wanna-gina”
days and longing for breasts.
Click here for more Book Reviews
Book Reviews